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  • Writer's pictureSteve

How Bad Do You Want It

It's rough living with mental health problems, isn't it? Day in day out being ruled by thinking. Some of us will even wake through the night in sweats. Panic attacks that grip us out of our sleep. Walking around with thoughts of doom and gloom and wondering why! The thoughts don't change from one day to the next. Think about it. I know with me, I think the same things every day. 7 days a week 365 days a year. It even drives me down low enough to suicidal thoughts. Or just wanting to give up. Thoughts of "I just want this shit to stop"

Well, it takes work combating that thinking. Not easy work either. Its hard work. But like I say to my girls, How bad do you want it? I'm not saying its foolproof, I have bad days or bad moments but it's better to be working on the mental health thinking than sitting and letting it happen right? not knowing whats going on. Giving in to it and letting it work you instead of you having it work for you. How many things have I missed out on due to my thinking? Careers have come and gone. Events that I have wanted too pass by. It goes on and on.

So around two years ago, I met Judith. Judith is my therapist. I have never met a therapist like Judith. I have been through my number of therapist and none has done what Judith has done. I had no intention of going back into therapy until the day I went so bad I wanted out. Judith uses methods that I have never come across. Hypnosis, Energy healing, and just a different approach to ways of looking at things that I had never thought of. I started to become interested in the whole concept of what she was talking about. I started to study. Reading, watching different speakers and fully taking on board everything I was learning. How the mind works and how much influence with what we say to yourselves really started to make sense. Then I started looking at Buddhism, Taoism, Indian and far eastern ways. All this going back 1000's of years. I started learning how to meditate realizing I had been doing it all wrong in the past. I started Yoga and went complete plant base with my food. Then I decided I have to step out of old Steve and start a new Steve.

I use all that I have learned and learning to attack my thoughts. Giving my mind options instead of it keep going down the same direction. At least when ya know ya fighting back ya not giving in are you? Something I learned today is going towards what you're avoiding. I woke feeling on a downer and not wanting to go out and cut the grass that really needed to be done. So, I got my boots on, went out and did the yard and did feel better. This afternoon I am off to my therapist to help her with somebody. That always makes me feel better. In therapy, I am working on looking at roots and where things stem from. When you start to see where things come from it helps to explain why in adulthood you are thinking the way you are. I am learning about emotions. There is no emotion without a thought first.

So yeah its hard work. It's not doing it once and everything goes away. I wish! This is work....HARD WORK!

So ya ready? HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?!

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A short story of the relationship between myself and my therapist, Judith


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