It's Loving Compassionate Me

I have a little bit of a Bio on my site but wanted to give maybe a little bit more. who knows, it may relate to somebody and help another.

I was born in S.E London, England. Yeah I know, I call myself Cockney Buddha and not from the East End where ya really meant to be from in London to be a true Cockney. In fact, ya have to be born within the sound of the Bow Bells. But, I lived across the Themes and have a pretty strong Cockney accent.  Even though living in the U.S may have changed it a little. I definitely had to slow it down cause nobody was understanding me ha ha ha.

 

I have mental health. I went to say mental health problems but then thought, if I didn't have it I wouldn't be in the spot of helping others now.  I have had it for many years. I think my first encounter with it was 5 years old. Screamed the school down as Mum left me. That probably felt like abandonment, but at 5 I didn't know.  I was 51 this year (2019) and now just starting to learn about meself.  If I had started what I am learning now many years ago maybe I'd be in a different spot now but that said, again, would I be doing what I do now? Before I explain what I do I want to write a quick run-up to where I am now.

So 5 is the earliest I can remember. From an early age, I was bullied up to around 16. Yeah, have effects of that in adulthood for sure. Then I went to college to train for being a Chef. I was experiencing some heavy anxieties (had no idea what it was then), I just knew I had fears of things that seemed others did not have. Remember my 1st exam and feeling like I was floating up and over the table when I picked the paper up. I had to put it down, look around the room and bring myself back. I did 2 years full time through college. I went out into the world of work and anxieties picked up stronger. While working I did a day release program to put another 2 years of college under my belt for my advanced exams Whenever I had to move sections in the kitchen my anxiety would get to point of dry heaving in the morning and literally praying as I walked towards work. 

I went to a local hospital that had a "therapy" program. I say "Therapy" cause I got nothing from it what so ever. In fact, she told me to wear a rubber band on my wrist and flick it when my thinking started. Yeah, you ever worked in a busy kitchen? After several comments that went in the bin. I was never told what my problem was (Label) and so still had nothing to go by. I was even given a pill that did not last long cause it did nothing. I didn't question anything. No idea what the pill was, what it was meant to do or anything. So, I ended up just trying to deal with what was going on with my thinking. At this point, depression was not an issue. As far as I can remember anyway. 

At around 24 I broke up with a girl I was seeing for six a half years. I went a little "crazy" at this point I think. Not in the literal sense, but it definitely had a big effect. A mate of mine was coming to the U.S to see an American girl he had seen previously and I'd wanted to come to the U.S. So I tagged along. That's when I met my now wife. Dated long distance then decision time. Was she coming to London or me to the U.S? I ended up coming here.

Anxiety and now depression was creeping in and was strong. The first job that I had to get up for I woke around 3 am. Total panic, crying and felt like I was losing my mind. My wife jumped on the phone to somebody in the medical field. Now we had a label...Anxiety and Panic.

I ended up getting help but went through countless therapists, Psychiatrists, and medication. I wasn't getting any better. In fact, the last Psychiatrist  I see would give me medication and tell me to come back like a month later. Month after month. I sit and tell him I don't feel any different. He got mad and said, "Well, just come off them then!"  That was some major withdrawal. That's when I said..No more with medication. Not that I'm against it. It's just not for me. I lost my Cheffing career and a pest management career too due to anxiety. Tried again and again to do both. Both I trained for with exams etc but was not happening. 

Fast forward a few years. Anxiety getting worse along with more depression. Then one night I went dark. I don't like using the word suicidal but yeah major low. No thinking at the point of the lowest. Crying wanting out and wondering what's going on my wife said you need help. I did not want any therapy no more. I was done remember? Bio after bio put my way and I kept saying no. Then Judith bio was put in front of me. Judith is now my current therapist. An amazing lady with different approaches. That's when I started looking at energy more because she showed me what it was. I'm a bit of a skeptic until I get shown and there was no denying something was there. 

I have now gone heavy into the energy work. I have been going to help Judith with different people not just with energy but with listening and helping others. I am not a trained therapist or anything like that and never pretend to be. I'm a guy that knows about Anxiety and depression very well and I can relate to people. I was told I'm an Empath too which would explain how I can pick up on people's feelings and emotions. It is very unusual. A bit scary at times to me because I don't know where it comes from other than a higher source. I do and have helped a good few people now and will continue to do so. I do energy healing, listen to people and give my opinions on other ways of thinking. What better person than somebody that's in the "trenches" with you, and so understands what is happening. I follow Buddhism but really want to know it well. The meditation side of it I LOVE. I want to help people meditate too. It's a really important aspect of healing I believe. I want to give classes. Small groups and one on one. I also have read the Tao Te Ching and love the philosophy behind that too.  Although if you are going to read it I do suggest reading through a book as I did. Its called, Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life. Living the Wisdom of the Tao. by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.

It's now become a passion to help others and by me helping others I help myself too. A small donation which helps me keep up the website and to help you is highly appreciated

                                                                               Love and peace

Namaste