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Its a question I have asked myself today. While sitting in a bit of a funk, not quite full depression but a start to it, I found myself going onto my app Medium and reading an article about a person with depression. It was their story of how they feel, how the dreaded thinking moves into the mind and then some tips or reassurance towards the end. I copied the article and posted it to Twitter to help others. Then I thought, I want to check my profile on the Medium app because I have posted a couple of writings myself on there. When I looked at the second posting I have made I had no reads. Not even a look. Then I felt a little dread I guess. Questions of why? Are people not interested? How can I get interest?

Then I thought....OK if I am getting upset over the fact that somebody has not checked out my post, why am I posting? I started finding myself do it with Twitter too. Grabbing my phone first thing in the morning. Before I even get out of bed to check results, being pleased with the fact somebody may have retweeted the post. On the one hand thinking, Oh that's great I'm being recognized along with, it will reach more people now to help others. BUT! Why the eagerness to see how many follows or how many thumbs up have I got. Or the excitement of somebody reposting my articles.

My whole goal when I started my website, Twitter, etc was to get out there and help other people with mental health themselves. A connection to somebody like myself that wakes in the morning and has to start the process of "combat" with my mental health from the minute my eyes open. Helping others see other ways of thinking that they may not be aware of. Being a support to somebody that may be in crisis and know there are others like myself that go through it and can help. But, grabbing my phone every minute checking is not where I want to be. It's not what I started this whole thing for. I posted on Medium one because I want to reach others. I have read many articles on the app Medium and had great help from them. And two because I really enjoyed posting. It's nice to know that I am able to do something like that. I am normally a person that wants everything spot on. A picture representing the story, correct grammar, you name it. But I watched a London Real post on YouTube that said just get something out there. Don't keep waiting, so I didn't and it felt great. I copied and pasted a blog of mine from my site. When I viewed it, it gave me a sense of pride. So how did it turn into me looking for the Ego boost? The way to go's? I think it can become somewhat addictive when you start looking for that side. The opposite direction of why you started something. We are looking for the pleasures more than the original reason we are putting content out there. It's like taking a drug to raise your mood-boosting body chemicals. But that's not where I intended to be.

It pulled me back when I realized today what I was doing. It pulled me back in line as to why I am doing it. I do it cause I want to help another person. If there is one person that my postings help then job done. Yes its always nice to hear you helped me, of cause. Knowing that I have made a difference to somebody. Saying the right things to help them help themselves. I post because it helps me helping others. It reinforces the things I am learning. The things I read and watch. So being able to talk to another about what I am learning to help them, helps me. Being followed is a blessing of cause. Especially when it comes to others in the profession. Doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists. It lets you know that what your saying is ringing bells in the right direction. Being passed around is great too because yes, it does reach more people but I need to not get so hooked up on that and focus on the reasons I am doing it.

So, if ya find yourself looking for the results of your postings as an ego boost, stop and think,



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