I don't think I ever really wanted to fit in. Sure I would follow different types of music one being Ska in the '80s. Yeah, I thought I was looking good in my Brogue shoes and button-down shirts and even wore baggies to school. But a lot of people were following the music trend that was outside the realm of "normal" Most would follow the pop scene going on. Which yeah some of the music was alright when it would come on the radio, but I followed the side of not so excepted scene of Ska. A mix of Reggae and Punk. The punk scene in London was huge during the '70s and somewhat early '80s. Then the punk mixed with the Jamaican Reggae deep bass sound that the Jamaicans brought in to London and England in the 50's and right through. Ska was born. A more rebellious type of music. Against the government and government rule itself. Hence the Punk mix. It was a sound that said "stand up and be counted" so to speak. England was in turmoil with unemployment at a massive level and riots and marches going on against this or that. I was around 12 or 13 and fit right in. It wasn't the "norm" of acceptance as far as people that followed the scene.
Then I got into heavy reggae music. Bands like Steel Pulse, Dennis Brown, Gregory Issacs, Frankie Paul, Yellowman and many more. Again I started following music that wasn't part of the scene at the time. I even wanted to grow dreads. I still love the music following some good London reggae sounds like the Skints and Holly Cook. What's funny is Holly Cooks Dad is the drummer from Sex Pistols, Paul Cook.
Then Came METAL!!!!!!!! I was in a piss off part of my life and that appealed to me. Thrashy, high energy, intense sounds. Slayer, Lamb of God, Guns and Roses, Sepultura, Nine Inch Nails (Industrial) and so on. It seemed to say.....I'm pissed. Again it was a music of anger against different things that were and are happening. Check out War for Territory by Sepultura. The original. I was also into Grunge in the early '90s.
Metal though was the next type of music that had a dress code with it. Or as it seemed. Or was it me just saying "Yeah I follow this crazy pissed off sound called metal"? I think a bit of both. Boots, Jeans, Band shirts and sometimes the grungy western type of check long sleeve shirt tied around the waist by the sleeves themselves. I grew long hair and a good size Goatee at one stage. Way smaller now. Again, I think it was piss off. I broke up with a girl that I was seeing for six and a half years and that's when I went full-on with Metal. I was listening to it all the time. On the way to work, during work, and home again. To say I was a bit angry would be an understatement.
Jump forward to now. I still listen to a lot of music. Its a massive part of what I do and like to do. And even though I still have the shirts of metal and listen to it, I listen to a broader mix of music. Especially as I started to get on my journey of finding myself.
I bought my first Marla, or Buddha beads some people call them. It's not a fashion statement by any means. They are long and stand out. I got them because I started to follow different ways of dealing with my mental health. All the other therapies, pharmaceutical drugs, and psychiatrists just didn't work for me. I wanted another way. So when I started to learn Buddhism I wanted the beads for to remind me about the ways of Buddhism. The things I have learned and what I have yet to learn. And yeah I guess to let people know this is a journey I'm on. They give me a sense of pride. But when I first walked outside I was paranoid that people were looking and talking. Again, the mind working in negative ways. It could never be somebody would be saying a nice thing. NO!! the mind always went negative. So I was having a problem wearing them. UNTIL!! I thought of what Buddhist say about leaving your Ego behind. When I thought about this it made me say, "Nope, I'm wearing these for me, not somebody else" "It's my journey, not somebody else's". I even said, "what if they are saying that the beads were nice and wonder what they are". I have been asked about them and even have had people that think the same way say, "Love the Marla". It makes me feel like part of something. Again probably like the music scenes. Not the "Norm" right?
A mate of mine said I have gone from a Beer swilling, Rugby playing fella to a Hippy...HAHA!
So don't live for somebody else. Or try to be somebody that your not. Be yourself and do what makes you happy. Leave an Ego out of your life. The ego will get to you every time. I always say that a person with a massive Ego is not liked much because why the Ego in the first place?. What are you trying to prove? Or cover-up? So when you see a person that may not be what your expecting them to look like, don't judge they are expressing themselves in their way. Talk to them. They will turn out to be not what you think they "should" be.